be my lover

Last night I had a dream about this woman who owned an inn. She had a hairless cat and a pool of tar – I don’t remember what the tar was for but at one point it was seeping out from under her inn and into the streets. The cars drove threw it, thinking nothing of it, and then got stuck later down the road once the tar on their wheels had stiffened. At one point I started to roll in it with my roller blades thinking that the drivers of the cars knew what they were doing and it would therefore be okay, but I got stuck too. My mother eventually told me that I shouldn’t even walk by the place because the tar was so toxic.

The innkeeper was older, maybe in her late fifties. We had met her at one point while we were still dating, but we never stayed at the inn, maybe we just passed it by. Once we broke up, I learned that you were staying with her. It started out as one night; you just needed a place to stay while you visited your Dad. But then you grew attached to her and you stayed for longer, for about a month – from the time we broke up to the time we met for dinner again. She loved you like a mother. She knew what you needed and how to comfort and care for you. You served as an object for her affection that, before you, she could give no one but her cat because there was no one else in her life. You were young and she felt needed, privileged, and once again beautiful as she did in her youth. You made her feel beautiful.

I don't feel safe sharing the whole of this dream...

It’s weird, alarming really, how love blinds us. I was so adamant, so sure, so determined that I should marry you and that everyone who told me to wait for this reason or that was wrong and didn’t understand what real love was and why it was a blessing to have found my husband so early. I wanted so badly to be married that young because young, Godly, happy married couples are so beautiful to me.

Now I am seeing that Jesus is insanely jealous of the objects of my affections. He wants me back, Jesus does. I replace Him with things that I can see and touch, who see and touch me back, but Jesus, you are everything! I don’t believe He will put any man in my life until I put Him first, which I’ve meant to do all along.

"Something's missing in me, I felt it deep within me as lovers left me to bleed alone..." Lacey of Flyleaf has been blessed with a gift of putting God's presence in her life into words that Christians and non-Believers alike drink up. I feel that something too and I am choosing to fill it with Christ's love, because He knows how to love me truly. I desire to love and be loved.

"Hello beautiful, my beloved." He melts my heart every time. Like a lover's shirt left behind, God's creation is all I have of His touch. But isn't that tragic? I'm constantly mourning to really hold Him.

I wanted a kiss and so I drank the rain.