*non dream* initial pleasure

The first bite is delectable. The cake is firm and moist, dense with carrots and walnuts, nutmeg and cinnamon. My fork gently pierces the cream-cheese frosting before slicing through the deep orange sponge beneath. I pull the fork away to lift the sliver to my now salivating mouth and place the treat on my tongue. Before chewing I push the sweetness to the roof of my mouth and savor its effect on my taste buds. Now the desire is too strong so I chew it in order to dissolve all the flavor and disperse it evenly. I swallow slowly.

The next bite is already anticipated, but totally predictable. The texture and flavor is the same, no longer a delightful surprise. I realize that every bite proceeding the first diminishes the quality of this dessert. I put the fork down and stare. I want to eat this because it's in front of me, but the motion will be automatic. I no longer will savor the taste, but rather I'll expect it, repeat it, degrade it, and kill it.

One piece of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, made by my mother.

Two home-made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, also from my mother.

Three home-made regular chocolate chip cookies shipped from Oregon, courtesy of Hannah's family.

Quarter cup vanilla ice cream with chocolate and caramel syrup.

One hand-full chocolate chips.

One cup vanilla soy milk.

Say it to yourself, "Just don't."